What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 15:50
But it wasn’t much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?
I don,t even have a pension.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She loved him until the end.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do older women know what they want?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
If my lovely sister sleeps with my boyfriend, what should I do about her?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was 9 years of age.
Was Adam white or black (African)?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Overthinking is killing me day-by-day. What should I do?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Can a mother forget her child after she puts him or her up for adoption?
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
Do happily married husbands cheat?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was scared of men, in general
Especially a lifetime of it.
Has anyone liked being made a cocksucker?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She found it foreign!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She wouldn,t have been !
I will be 64.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is soul school!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I think the readers, may guess!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were not on the streets..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I have no regrets .
So, i spoilt her more .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We all went to grammer schools
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She married twice! .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But, we were locked up after school.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And i lived it daily.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
All the time i was locked up.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It was going to be , some day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
When she asked me how she looked .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Comes on , in middle age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I said to her
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was seconnd youngest,
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was very sick at this time too.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Who then, do I blame.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.